writing

I started writing a story again
I dont know why, i just felt the need to.

I have to go. To a waterpark today.
So i have to wear my bathing suit all day.
:/ There'll probably be hundreds of people there.
I cant believe im actually going to do it.
I Want to shout in protest.
or beg to go home.
:/ but i dont think it'll work.
Because they'll ask why.
And i hate lectures.
:/ if they know how much i hate my weight.
They'll watch more what i eat.
When i eat.
:/
And stuf.f

My cousin.
She's afraid of me .
I can barely stand to look at her anymore
Because there's select times when she just says:
DONT LOOK AT ME ITS SCARING ME
I cant handle that. Without just breaking down
:/ i cant break down
Not in front of anyone
I just cant.
They think little of me enough.
always making fun of everything i own

my cousin. Is afraid to sleep in the same room as mee.
She begs me to not eat her.
:/
And i just ignore her.
Or.. Dont look at her.
Dont speak to her.
Hold my breath until she looks away.

If i wasnt such a fucking failure.
I wouldnt be in this mess.
I could tell her how much it was bothering me.
Or just. If i wasnt a failure.
:/

i wouldnt be here at all.